What’s the STORY behind suffering a miscarriage?
Miscarriage: most of us women have had one. It’s extremely common and yet when it happened to me I weirdly felt isolated. I wondered if I did something wrong/ was it somehow my fault. I knew logically how common they were, but it took me some time to make peace with the loss.
In anything in life, I often feel like hope and anticipation is part of what we live for but it’s also part of what makes a loss (of any kind) so hard. Here’s what I mean: I spent weeks daydreaming about what my baby would look like, whose features he/she would have, wondering what the sex was and dreaming of what characteristics he/she would get from my fiancé and I. I imagined the kind of parents we would be and thought about the way we would raise this beautiful baby. So many hopes and dreams filled my heart and imprinted my mind, which only aided in my loss.
I also felt like I robbed my fiancé of something he desperately desires which overwhelmed me with guilt. He cried of joy when we found out I was pregnant (this man has only cried 5 times in his life). There was a part of my womanhood tied up in getting pregnant and part of my womanhood tied up in the loss of feeling inadequate when I had the miscarriage. Now, I know my fiancé loves me in spite of the miscarriage and I know logically none of this was my fault. However, these were my feelings and I had to give myself the space and time to honor and work through them.
This is why I’m sharing this video. If you had a miscarriage I want you to know you’re not alone. If you know somebody who had one I want you to know what to expect and how you can show up for them. I want us to collectively feel like we can share this experience, and that just because it’s common, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a difficult loss.
If you feel like someone needs to hear this please feel free to share. Sending you all so much light and love.
Resources:
- Elisabeth Hallet’s book (Stories Of The Unborn Soul)
- “Glassy Baby Candles”
